Baby Love Letters: Part V

Q: What makes you smile?

I smile at the silly things you say, like last night when you were "weighing" my head with a tape measure and told me it weighed 30 seconds.

I smile listening to you recite catechism to yourself and imaginary playmates.

I smile when you sing in church, quite your own words but glorifying the Lord none the less.

I smile when you tell me how much you love me, all the way to the top of the trees and under our bed, across the street and to the first star.

I smile at the questions you ask, the outfits you pick, your hair in the morning, the stories you tell....you make me smile.

Baby Love Letters: Part IV

It's been over a month since I've written a love letter to Providence, if what's in my heart can't get through to my head I'll just have to stumble along.

Q: How do you stay flexible when changes come into your life?

I have always greatly admired those flexible among us, ones that bend over backwards yet you wouldn't know they do. One particular woman and her family shines as an example to me of hospitality and flexibility, among other things.

When your father died, I was like the walking dead. It seemed like I was in a fog and couldn't see anything clearly, I couldn't even understand what people were saying sometimes. That first trip back to California for the funeral was hard, walking in my dreamlike state while all these strangers around me not knowing what I was going through. Wanting nothingness, quiet and nothingness. I didn't want to hear the everyday life of others, mine had ended and to see others go on was agony.

Knowing that my parents home would be a flurry of activity some friends offered their home as a base for me, a place to stay and keep quiet for me. At the time I just went where I was told and slept on the bed provided. Looking back I see how incredibly flexible this dear family was, having literally just moved into their home and experiencing two back to back miscarriages within months, they still saw a need and gave their own room and bed to fill it.

Those who can look outside themselves in the midst of their own pain and huge changes are truly selfless people and I cannot pretend to be in that class, but by and by, as the Lord works, I may one day.




Hua and Karl, you are a beautiful illustration of Christian love, thank you for being in our lives.

Baby Love Letters: Part III

Q: What inspires me?Everything that should, scripture, books, music, nature.

Some silly things like making lists, plans, and schedules.

Solid things like other widows joyful in the Lord's will. Because I fall, stumble, stutter, and fail so often.

My siblings, particularly at the moment Uncle Uriah. I see in him a young man hungry for the Lord, a lover of family, I see that children can rise up and call their parents blessed without using words. That his character speaks to them and the whole family, blessing each member and the extensions.

Young families not afraid to call their children a blessing or to have their quiver full. That disregard what others may say and are faithful and joyful to raise many children in the Lord.

Older families that have done this.Being a mother and of course you. Your openness and love for the world around you. The teachable spirit you exhibit, the joyful smiles you give me. You inspire and challenge me to be a better mother, a better teacher, a better women, a better Christian.

Baby Love Letters: Part II

Q: What is my favorite memory of a summer day?To try and whittle favorite summer memories down to one is nearly impossible. I've had fun lazy summers with Aunties and Uncles, travel filled ones- in which I visited 9 countries in 6 weeks, or been on road trips, summers with births, summers with bikes, I've even had wasted summers (which don't particularly make it in the running), but I think my favorite summer memory is a fairly recent one, four years ago to be exact. The summer I was pregnant with you.

Since your father was deploying soon he received his pre-deployment leave in June of '04, with nearly everybody else in the Battalion traveling home for their leave we spent many glorious days without seeing anybody but each other. We went snorkeling, miniature golfing, to movies, on walks...but most days we spent at home playing cards, I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life, or been that euphorically happy. I'm glad that in a small way you were able to know me then, to hear that laugh...the laugh your father gave me.

Though this memory is not specific, where I can write in on paper to share. My heart can still at times catch that feeling I had during those days, as if my heart had wings and could never come down. Unable to stop smiling. How different my smiles feel now.

I love spending summers with you, eating melon, going on picnic's, hearing you squealing with delight when some water makes its way to you on a hot afternoon. I hope each summer will become more memorable for you, not so much what is done, but the happiness shared. And I hope that you will one day experience a summer as rapturously blissful as the last one I shared with your dad.

Baby Love Letters: Part I

Awhile back I was sent a book from Claire (who owns Bambini Boutique) called Held in the Arms of Love. After all this time I still have not begun writing in the book so I thought I would give myself another warm up by doing "Friday Letters" These will be written to Providence, and published here to share words I want to gift to her.

Q: What have you learned?
You have learned boys and girls are different, not only are girl things prettier, but boys don't always like to be princes, while girls are always ready to be princesses.

You have learned about pregnancy and birth, nearly daily you find some new item to deliver, not just dolls but rocks and beads too, even flowers or blades of grass. Nothing is too small or insignificant for you to labor for, and you love each baby fiercely (though most new mamas wouldn't let someone, even the grandma, "borrow" their baby which you did with your most recent rock baby).

You have learned to desire to please not only myself but also our Lord, I can hear your sweet three year old voice asking "Is the Lord pleased too?"

You have learned the letter "P" is for Providence, and excitedly point it out whenever you chance to see one.

You have learned giving can be just as fun as receiving, you often present me with special somethings, and you can now be well counted on to provide handfuls of wildflowers when available.

You have learned to work through shyness, being friendly is important. Even a smile can bring someone joy, and when we refuse to offer that token to others that is selfishness.

You have learned life isn't always happiness, you seem so young to know death as intimately as you do. And though I know you cannot understand it completely you are well acquainted with it. You know life means death too, and with that knowledge you can live it fully, knowing this is the time God has given you.

I am blessed to see your mind comprehend new things, and I know as you grow and mature not only with your life be richer but so will mine.