He Showers His Blessings

After my husband Joe died money was the last worry on my mind. I had always been the worrier and now I had excess. I was in need of nothing financially. I bought what I wanted, what Providence wanted, enjoyed being much more liberal then I had ever been in my life and with a heart that Joe had always displayed towards money.

When I purchased my new home 9 or so months ago I had plans of paying it off in 15 years. I dreamed of what I wanted to do with the house and did many of the improvements dreamed to make it mine. And why not? I had the money to.

In spring I found out that 2/3's of my monthly income (from investments) have ceased. My principle cannot be touched, in fact there are so many legal problems that I have heard rumors that investors could be getting just 30% of their principle and it could take up to 10 years to even get that.

Hard times, everyone seems to be experiencing them in some way or other. For the first time in years I had work out a budget, and yet no matter which way I figured for the first time ever my income did not match the smallest budget I could figure. After much agonizing, I realized, this is the Lord's money and the Lord's house if I lose it before owning it for even a year, then He will provide another way for me.

The Lord is faithful, that much I have learned. That much I can rest my life on.

I have found so many things to be grateful for in this trial.

Reliance on others, this is hard for me. I, like most people, want to be reliant on no one but myself, and occasionally the Lord.

Working a budget. It makes me feel more productive.

Surrendering- money, security, lifestyle.

When my parents and siblings visited in July we all had a family meeting about what I should do now, do I look for a job? Do I sell the house? To my amazement my dear family gathered together, looked over my budget and figured out a way to supplement my income with sharing part of their own. They felt my place was to be with Providence (as did I) and did all they could to keep that as goal.

Then this Sunday after church one of the men approached me and said that the church wanted to put in a lawn for me. I was so overwhelmed, there were no words I could say that would express how deeply grateful I was. This was a desire I have had since moving in but have been unable to accomplish because once it stopped freezing overnight my income froze making it impossible. I didn't see grass entering our life for many many years.

I don't like to share these hardships, I tell myself it's to not burden others but I think the truth of the matter is that it's rather embarrassing. I don't have it all together, not that anyone thought I did...except maybe me. But with my heart full of gratefulness to my family and church for stepping in and meeting my needs I'm learning that being a Christian is not just about meeting needs, it's about sharing them too. It's about humbling your heart, and relying on Christ.

My eyes see only His blessings, how Lord can you continue to shower them on one such as I?

My heart is full, and it sings,

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Worse Then That

After talking with Aaron about my mail problem it was realized that kids taking my mail was in fact not the worst, it could have been stolen by someone much more sinister...that now has checks with my banking information and signature, as well as account information of some credit cards.

Where Oh Where Can My Mail Have Gone

My mail is missing...a whole stack of bills and one netflix, all sent on the same day, have turned up missing (side rant: this makes no sense, how can something "turn up" missing? If it's turned up it's not missing. And why am I keeping this silly phrase in my post?) The netflix gave me the first clue (see movies are good for something). Mailed on Friday would usually make it returned on Monday. When it was still at large on Wednesday I listed it as missing and checked out my online bank so see if any of the bills have been posted. Sure enough not one of them was, so I spent Friday afternoon calling each company to make repayments.

My missing outgoing mail though is not alone either, I am also missing at least one incoming thing (that I am aware of), and I suffered two days of not getting any mail. That's right when I opened the door there was nothing but a cold hard empty box, which has not happened since I've moved here. There has always been something, catalogs or adds at the very least.

So with mail on the fritz all over the country, at least for myself and cousin Rose (who has actually written numerous posts about her mail service) I wonder what's a feller to do when he can't count on the USPS? Or worse yet, my neighborhood kids...

Blackened

****Updated****

I do not like things burned, not meat, not cookies, not toast. I did grow up in a household where some did like to eat charcoal, so I know there are some out there, but I am not one of them.

Providence made toast for us and it got a bit blackened, I was thankful when she choose the blacker one for herself and let me have the one with just the edges burned. I must have complained about how dark it was (shame on me) because while eating her slice she remarked that it was still quite tastey and not too burned.

"You take after your Oma" I said, which then launched us into playacting that she actually was Oma, and I Providence. I am quite used to these games and switched gears easily asking 'Oma' why she likes to eat burned things. She answered that she likes them because "Sometimes God just sends them to us." Simple as that. She then went on to tell me that my aunties and mothers brother had just arrived...what the? Mothers brother, I started thinking which great-uncle of mine has she met when I remembered I was in fact Providence, and she Oma, which would make my mothers (aka the real me) brother Uriah. With the strange things she figures out I have to say I am more surprised that it didn't come out as your cousins grandmas daughters brother.


Update:
I found Providence in the kitchen this morning scavenging oven chips, you know when something spills in the oven and turns into some hard black bubble thing. When I asked her what she was doing she said looking for something to eat.



This picture shows three things...

1) I am clearly failing in some motherly duties, like feeding my daughter.

2) I do not clean my oven often (um...ever).

3) She really does like black stuff, and no I did not allow her to eat it.

I'll Eat That Right Up

"That" being a 3 1/2 foot rattler.

And it was mmm-umm good.

Years Past: Part III

Many moons ago I was a little girl. Providence loves hearing these long ago stories of when her mom was pint-sized herself. She finds it incredible that I was once her size.As a girl I sported long hair as did all the females in our family. My father loves long hair and he and my mom decided we (the girl side) would all have it if he took care of it. As a child my biggest desire was short hair, but I have learned the beauty of long hair and actually prefer now myself.

I am sure my mother did at times need to brush our hair but I can recall my dad doing it mostly, in fact I can recall him spending most of a night brushing out one of our heads (which had formed a kind-of dreadlock), when everyone else just wanted it cut off to save the trouble. He still brushes my moms hair daily, it's something I remember him doing my entire life.

Wild children we were. Me less so then my twin sisters, but still wild enough that after having my hair brushed out every morning it was a knotty mess by the time I had walked to school (I attended a Private Christian school through 3rd grade, and then home-schooled through graduation). I recall one day having a friend (one with really fine hair that has never seen a tangle) over. I had my hair brushed right before she arrived and as I walked out of my house she said quite amazedly "Your hair is really pretty when it's brushed. I didn't know you did that."

Baby Love Letters: Part I

Awhile back I was sent a book from Claire (who owns Bambini Boutique) called Held in the Arms of Love. After all this time I still have not begun writing in the book so I thought I would give myself another warm up by doing "Friday Letters" These will be written to Providence, and published here to share words I want to gift to her.

Q: What have you learned?
You have learned boys and girls are different, not only are girl things prettier, but boys don't always like to be princes, while girls are always ready to be princesses.

You have learned about pregnancy and birth, nearly daily you find some new item to deliver, not just dolls but rocks and beads too, even flowers or blades of grass. Nothing is too small or insignificant for you to labor for, and you love each baby fiercely (though most new mamas wouldn't let someone, even the grandma, "borrow" their baby which you did with your most recent rock baby).

You have learned to desire to please not only myself but also our Lord, I can hear your sweet three year old voice asking "Is the Lord pleased too?"

You have learned the letter "P" is for Providence, and excitedly point it out whenever you chance to see one.

You have learned giving can be just as fun as receiving, you often present me with special somethings, and you can now be well counted on to provide handfuls of wildflowers when available.

You have learned to work through shyness, being friendly is important. Even a smile can bring someone joy, and when we refuse to offer that token to others that is selfishness.

You have learned life isn't always happiness, you seem so young to know death as intimately as you do. And though I know you cannot understand it completely you are well acquainted with it. You know life means death too, and with that knowledge you can live it fully, knowing this is the time God has given you.

I am blessed to see your mind comprehend new things, and I know as you grow and mature not only with your life be richer but so will mine.