Flattened Out

Providence got a package in the mail a couple days ago from Phoenix, who is...Providence's second or third cousin removed- once, twice?...since I don't know what I just typed, or if I made it up, and since it's a mouthful even if I were to get it right, let's just call him cousin...anyhow, cousin Phoenix sent a paper cutout of himself along with a letter explaining that in school they were learning about all of the states and he came to "visit" ours. We are suppose to take pictures of him visiting around town and then send him and the pictures back where they will be keeping track of all the travels. A very cute idea. The day he arrived Providence was very excited to see Phoenix whom she "misses so much." She gave him a tour of the house before deciding that they were tired and needed to rest a bit. I have been trying to find places that we can take our flattened Phoenix too, you know something exciting...but do people visit Idaho? I mean besides to visit people in Idaho? So my challenge is to find some things to do in this area to take our visitor. Our first outing was buying some fish for the tank we finally set up, we left our baby eating fish (another story) back in California and I told Providence we could get new ones. To me a fish is a fish and although I like looking at them the next one is as good as the last. So with the tank set up a few nights ago we were ready to fill it with fish. Providence was very excited to be including Phoenix on the trip, unfortunately his arms were ripped off in the wind on the way from the car to the store, but a nice lady gave us some tape and he was patched up in no time. We only got two GloFish since the Mickey Mouse Platies we wanted were under observation and unsellable. I can't believe I am getting more baby eaters, but Providence likes the mickey mouse face on the tail, so I will just hope to save the next batch of fry if we should get some again. The fish we got are safely swimming round in the tank now and "Lucifer" aka the kitten (can you tell Providence watched Cinderella recently?) is enjoying them very much. *Side note: and I think the name fits quite well since she has been attacking us every morning relentlessly, reminds me of wrestling, she climbs the pillows and leaps off onto our faces, and let me tell you, a flying kitten is scary when she's directed towards your face.* Although dangerous to Phoenix we love our snow here, Aaron and Kelsey said in the two other winters they've been here they haven't seen this much snow. I am so glad to be getting it our first winter, snow makes cold- oh, so worth it! For Christmas Providence got a snowman kit and has been asking to make one since. So since we got enough snow the other day, we went out to build a snowman, which if you must know is alot harder then it looks. Apparently my snowman making muscles were not developed as a child and ours ended up looking more like a snow blob. I would have gone on to try and make at least a second level but Providence was happy to put a face on the blob and who am I to deprive her happiness? She also wanted to put the large supposed-to-be-buttons on the snowman's face which I did try to deprive her of, suggesting that we make a bow tie with them or something but she insisted that they belonged where she put them, making our Snowblob also have alot of moles. We were very proud of our Snowblob child and fondly think of him when we look at his pictures, as sadly he passed on into nothingness the next day. We've gotten more snow since however and I arrived home yesterday to find my driveway cleared once again by the neighborly neighbor. I don't want to assume anything but it looks like I won't have to worry about shoveling snow all winter. Snow is forecast all week; maybe we'll make Snowblob a sibling.

A little girls room

After three years of sleeping with me, when Providence's furniture arrived she told me every day for a week that she was going to sleep in her own room...til nighttime came and then it was all about wanting to snuggle me. The "show room" (as I call it) does get used however...for alone time, yes apparently even three-year-olds need alone time. She'll tell me "I just want to be in my bedroom alone" often getting into bed and reading to herself, as I secretly harbor envious feelings of wanting to do the same thing. I just know that as soon as I do, the end of her alone time will quickly end mine. As sweet as her room is though, don't let it fool you about Providence, I overheard her saying last night "I guess I'll just have to kill you tomorrow." Although she did say it politely.

Out of the mouth of babes

The other day Providence and I went to the library and checked out a movie about Helen Keller as we drove home she was asking persistent questions, wanting to know why she was blind, why she was deaf, at one point she said "That was not good of God to make her blind" initially I was surprised by her statement because we have been talking about the goodness of God recently, but as I thought about why Providence would say that, I realized she was just stating how I had been living. I had once again fallen into the trap of living like it was not good of God to take away my husband, it was not good of Him to leave me here, it was not good of God in not allowing daddy and daughter to meet. But scripture says:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I need to live knowing the Lords goodness, knowing that He is working a good work in me. And as I live that, my daughter may see the Lords goodness alive and at work in our lives.

Three years too hard

Today is the three year anniversary of the helicopter crash Joe was in. Technically he died yesterday, the 26th in Iraq, but it was our 26th that I was informed. Although I didn't visit Joe's grave very often (I never felt that's where he is) on these dates I really feel being so far from a place to give him something. This week has been hard, it's interesting to me to be able to look back and see cycles of my grief. Late January is hard for me, me who thought dates did not affect. I feel like I start all over in January and relearn everything I learned the past year. I have cried more this week then in the past 6 months put together. Strangely Providence is very affected these weeks leading up to Joe's death also. It could be the she picks up from me, but my crying is usually done at night after she is asleep, and it's not like I sit her down and say "In a week is the anniversary of your fathers death." I think it's more then that, and, not to get too out there, I think somehow her spirit can feel it. Last year one week exactly before the second anniversary she began tearfully begging to see her dad everyday, I would show her pictures and she would cry for him to hold her. It was very hard for me, I felt as though she thought I was keeping him from her. This year, as she is older it's come out in other ways of the same. I started writing some of them down this week when I noticed Joe coming up more then usual.


In evening prayers Providence prayed that God "would make my daddy not dead anymore"

One morning I found her laying down on the floor holding a pillow that my mother-in-law made with a picture of Joe on it crying "I miss daddy."

While she was playing with some junk mail she told me "Here is a picture of my daddy not dead (holding an address label) it's of me and you and daddy and us when he was alive, it is very special, should we put it up?"

Some conversations we've had:

Providence: Why did my daddy die?
Me: Because his helicopter crashed
Providence: Did he spin?
Me: I don't know
Providence: Did he fall out?
Me: No
Providence: He was just on the ground dead?
Me: I think he was in the Helicopter...

Providence: (Singing) I miss my daddy because I am an orphan
Me: But you're not an orphan
Providence: Why?
Me: Because you're mommy is alive
Providence: But I am because my daddy died (continues singing) I am an orphan, I think about him, and miss daddy...


Sometimes the things she says throws me so off balance I don't know how to respond.

Why is it...turned to chocolate fun.

Why is it that whenever Providence's cousin Hope it not around I hear comments like "I miss Hope." "Can Hope come over?" "I want to go to Hopes house." "I love Hope." Then when we do see her there's excitement at the initial meeting which quickly wears off into "I don't want Hope to touch that." "Don't hold Hope mom, I'm jealous." "Help, HELP!" as Hope comes near to anything Providence is working on or playing with. Providence adores Joy (her baby cousin), will gladly find and offer toys to her, will lovingly entertain her with songs sung just for her, dances, and funny faces, help with diaper changes, spit-up duty, and making sure she is comfortable. Joy loves it and showers Providence with smiles as soon as she sees her. Hope loves "Pots" (which is what Hope has christened Providence as) also and will follow her around trying to play with her while Providence is deftly trying to gather all her toys in as close as possible to keep anything from falling into Hope's hands. What age is it that changes wanting to share every toy and pleasure with to trying to keep every toy and pleasure from?


I got a brilliant idea from an unnamed source; that I thought I would use to keep Providence busy while I wrote my blog this morning. Pudding painting. It sounded innocent enough, if a little messy. But while it did keep the kid and kitten busy, it kept me more so. This is not something to do unsupervised. This picture just does not do it justice. Providence (who is now in the tub) enjoyed it though so it may be something we repeat if the kitten ("Wendy", last I checked) is not around and I am very much around. I now need to rebuild in the wake of this disaster, including but not limited to, the table, the chairs, the floor, the nightgown, the child, and yes even the cat who though you can't quite tell in the picture is covered in chocolate pudding also.

Tea for Two

As most little girls Providence loves Tea Parties, she has been hosting little ones with her babies, stuffed animals, and imaginary friends, for years now (and I know she's only 3 but if she started around 1, which she did more or less, that leaves 2 yearS of tea parties), so yes years of these little tea parties, with a smattering of them held by yours truly (you know with real food and drink). However after attending a tea party at my cousins house and Providence remarking "This is just what I imagined a Tea Party to be." I began looking for a child's Tea Set, one that was not plastic, with the idea that we could have regular Tea's. I have not found one that I would like to buy for her yet, our tastes differ quite a bit, but I imagine there to be one out there that she would think is pretty and wouldn't hurt my eyes. Last night after making cookies together, (if you can call it that, it was the cheating kind that you just place on the cookie sheet) she invited me to a tea party that she put on. She was an attentive hostess, asking, (in a very high pitch voice, as all tea partiers should) "Would you like more tea?", "How about another scrumptious cookie?" As I finished the last of my tea I thanked her for inviting me to the "Lovely Tea" in my high pitched voice, adding that I hope it wasn't an inconvenience for her, she answered that she did in fact have to work quite hard to put it together, which I think you are not supposed to disclose. One other complaint I have was that I noticed, although quick to offer, she was a bit stingy in the pouring of the tea for me, but quite liberal with herself, again something I am sure you are not supposed to do. So I guess we have some manners to work on when I find a Tea Set for my little English Miss.

What's in a Name?

Providence was given a kitten for Christmas by her Uncle, Auntie and their family. She's the cutest thing and we have been pleased to have this little girls affection as we settle in here. The evening she got her (for it was Christmas Eve not morning that the surprise arrived) Providence named her Squaw. A cute name, but my sisters back in California have a cat named...can you guess? Squaw! So I have been having a hard time calling this little one Squaw because it just doesn't seem to fit. Providence was very insistent though refusing any and all other suggestions. I have been calling her kitten, except when she climbs up my bare legs while I am eating breakfast, then she's "that cat" and gets shut up in my bedroom. Providence decided to change her name the other day to Thomasina which I was all for, even though that is the name she called my old cat Harley. So Thomasina it was, till 10 minutes later "Oh, mom I forgot, her name is Snowball." I was thinking "4-day-old snow on the side of the freeway" but I said "OK." Next thing I know "Oh, I mean her name is Raja." And two minutes later..."I actually mean her name is Aurora." It was at this point that I said if she changes her name so much it might get confusing, and Providence, thinking that was a lovely idea, decided that she will just be changing her name always. But even without a permanent name Providence adores this kitten, and for all of Providence's overflowing love, and by love I mean the way she makes the kitten walk, and dance, on two paws, puts her to bed, tucking her in with one hand while holding her down with the other, carrying her all over the house, tightly enough that it's hard to squirm, the kitten really loves her back, every night choosing to cuddle with Providence rather then with me, of course Providence is usually sleeping by the time she snuggles up next to her.

Never to Young to be Baby Wearing

Providence got a beautiful child size handmade Mei Tai for Christmas from my friend Andrea. Around home Providence doesn't usually wear it for more then 2 minutes, you know put something on, then 2 minutes later take it off, then 2 minutes later it's something else. Anyhow, so today when we were getting ready to go to Costco she told me she wanted to bring Baby; mind you this is her favorite baby, acquired from one of her Aunties (I say acquired but I mean stolen) she's had her now for about 1 1/2 - 2 years and she has been through alot! We used to take her out all the time but since losing her at church for a week we don't often take her out anymore (as we spent a good part of EVERYDAY that week looking for her) thankfully Eden, a little girl from church, found her, recognized her as Providence's and ran her out to us as we were getting out of the car the next week (Providence still likes to hear the story of when "Eden saved her Baby") none-the-less it was a miserable week and one I don't want to repeat. So when she said she wanted to bring her baby I told her she could only if she wore her.

And she did.

A Young Providence

Providence and I have been watching video's of her from the past three years. She is her biggest fan and wants to watch them over and over, however I am a close second so I don't mind. Here are a few clips from some of them.

P's and Q's

Lately it seems every time I get on the computer Providence insists on climbing into my lap and the kitten insists on walking round on the key board or sitting right in front of the monitor stalking anything that moves on it. It makes for some pretty interesting times of typing, or rather trying to type. While Providence sits on my lap she wants to press the letters too (of course) and her favorite is "P" (you know for Providence, apparently it's her letter). So I pull up Word documents for her obsessive "P" clicking and she fills it with line after line of "P's". When I take my turn of pulling up a window I was working on (ok, so sometimes it's not "work") she gasps "Where's my P's?" thinking her hard work may have been lost. I again show her that I can go between pages, mine and hers, and she, notably relieved, sighs "oh, there they are." All the other letters are in respect of the "P". "O" is right next to "P", "E" is not. Though today she did say "A" was next to "Q", well I thought she did anyway and was quite pleased to see her recognizing the importance of the other letters (they have feelings too). I praised her for noticing the "A" and "Q" together and she laughed and said "oh, no" graciously referring me back to the "P."

Finally

Providence's furniture finally arrived tonight at nearly 9 (well 8:30 but 9 sounds so much later), it had been postponed almost everyday this week, making for very sketchy plans and another late night for me, since I had to put away her clothes in the drawers, and fix the nightstand up, I am washing the sheets even as I type (no, not hand washing, you goose) otherwise the bed would be made too. I would start hanging pictures while waiting but my eyes are beginning to close on themselves and I like things centered. Now I finally have a blog so I can tell everyone about our everyday mundane happenings, just kidding with three year old NOTHING is mundane (she's just asleep right now if this seems boring), besides you all love us so much you would want to read about our day even if it IS boring...right?

Books We Read

This is a list of books that I have read to Providence. We began reading chapter books together in September 2007 (or there abouts), we love our reading time before bed and hope to one day get through our ever growing list of to read, have any suggestions for us?

* The Princess and Curdie
by George MacDonald

* The Princess and the Goblin
by George MacDonald

* Bambi: A Life in the Woods
by Felix Salten

* The Complete Fairy Tales
by Charles Perrault

* The Nutcracker
by ETA Hoffmann

* Black Beauty
by Anna Sewell

* Heidi
by Joanna Spyri

* Mary Poppins
by PL Travers

* Through the Looking Glass
by Lewis Carroll

* Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
by Lewis Carroll

* The Trumpet of the Swan
by EB White

* Stuart Little
by EB White

* Charlotte's Web
by EB White